GRATITUDE is Everywhere - even Behind the Smokescreen

So much can be learned in our lives, if we only keep our eyes, ears and hearts open - - - - open up to the amazing world we live in - open up to the love of the wonderful people in this world.

Education and knowledge is acquired from many various sources, if we remain focused and in touch with the possibilites.

I've learned a lot in 63 years (geeez, hope so, huh).
One thing I've learned is to grasp all the facts, listen to all the sources ................

BUT ...............
make my own decisions.

No one else walks in my shoes, except me.

Others have good intentions, with a desire for us to be safe, maybe wanting us to make better choices than they have done.  However, the ultimate decision must come from within my heart and soul.

 Right or wrong - doesn't matter - it's my own personal choice, and is the one that is best for me at that moment.  If consequences arise from my actions, then I must accept that.  Often, the result can be powerful positivity.  (That's when I may pat myself on the back, and say 'good job', Ginny.)

We may give others advice, in hopes they will do what we are saying is best.  But, again, it's NOT up to us to influence others.  Okay, advice can be helpful at times, so share it from your heart with love.  Then take a step back to allow the other person space and the freedom necessary to determine what is best for them.



All that being said, I recently made a decision for myself, taking facts into consideration, as well as my own personal desire at the moment.

Over the years, others have attempted to influence me to change my thoughts and desires to theirs, and to do what they believe is best for me. 

However, it wasn't until the final choice became personally mine that it was right for me.


So, what am I trying to say? 
Here's my personal story ................

("My Personal" story, which means this is NOT a lecture or advice to you or to anyone.  It's simply MY story.  Regardless of what you do, I respect your choices, because they are YOURS, for YOU.  -  This is mine alone.) 

In the early 1960's, when I was 15 years old, I smoked my first cigarette.  I actually liked it!  Of course, it helped that, in those days, smoking was fashionable and something that all the "cool" people did.  Smoking was perceived as glamorous ..... 

Not only did doctors smoke right in their offices, along with their patients; but doctors actually encouraged smoking!
(Hard to believe, now, 50 years later; but it's true.)

Picture it - - after your medical exam, sitting in your doctor's office for consultation,

the doctor leaning over his desk, on which there was a big ashtray - (sorry gross, I know),

 to light your cigarette!

 

 Seriously, this is how it was.  I know, because I lived it!

 Not only was it socially accepted, it was also encouraged.  There were NO health warnings - nothing to educate us about any risks or consequences, as this was unknown then.

By the time the warnings surfaced, the nicotine addiction had taken a strong hold on my life. 

I didn't care.  I wasn't scared.  Nothing worried me.  Up until about a week ago, I was convinced that smoking would not harm me.  I had my Father's genetics.  He smoked for about 74 years, without any issues. 

Me, now at 63 years old, still had smooth skin with very few wrinkles - even after 48 years of smoking - even after excessive suntanning in my earlier years (from about 14 til my forties).  

I had been in  excellent health for most of my life.  The new problems that arrived with aging, didn't seem to have any relation to my smoking.


I smoked during both my pregnancies, and in the house and in the car, when my boys were babies, even while holding them and feeding them.  

Like this ................

(Now, this disgusts me, to think of how ignorant this was.) 

I'm ever so grateful that my irresponsible actions did not harm my children.  (It could have been disastrous.)
Both of my sons have been (and are) in good health.

GRATITUDE !

I thoroughly enjoyed smoking, and was not going to consider quitting.  I had made the attempt a couple times before, but decided it was something I liked and would continue to do.

Sure, doctors would tell me that I 'should' quit smoking.  My dentist said the same.  Ex-smokers (often the worst) tried to tell me to quit.  People tried scare tactics, but nothing phased me.  I'm stubborn.  I refused to succomb to the desires others had for me!  It's MY life.  (Do you hear me?  MINE)


About 12 years ago, after many years of smoking two and a half packs a day, I finally made a decision to stop smoking in my house.  Then about a year later, I chose to not smoke in my car.  Both of these decisions helped me to decrease my nicotine intake a lot - - and my house and car smelled refreshing for a change.


Why should I stop?  I've cut back tremendously.  I have no issues with breathing.  No chest pains.  I do have my Father's excellent genes.  And, recently had a chest x-ray, which showed my lungs in great condition.  And, it was bad enough that the government was dictating where and when I could smoke.  (How dare they!)

Nope, NO, not me - I'm gonna smoke forever.  I'll never quit.

HA - Never say never ..........  HA - we just don't know for sure what is around that next corner.
Sometimes we are fortunate enough to discover that next challenge around the corner, to be allowed a second chance.  But, sometimes, we are not quite so lucky.  I am so very GRATEFUL for being given a glance around that corner - and this time, without my rose-colored glasses on.


Suddenly, being diagnosed with DVT, it became apparent to me ............ my life had changed significantly in an instant.

Blood clots?  Seriously?  How is this possible? 

It IS possible.  It IS serious.

No one knows for sure what the cause was for me.  But, the facts are that my left leg is filled with blood clots; and is swollen and in lots of pain. 


When I was younger, taking birth control pills for years, while also smoking, I remember hearing that this "could be" a risk.  I chose to ignore it.  I was in great physical health.  No need to worry.

Twelve years ago, after having a Hysterectomy, I was advised again of potential risks from smoking while taking Hormone Replacement Therapy.  I chose to ignore the warnings.  Couldn't affect me - I was in good health -  especially after having the surgery - I felt great!

I'm tough.
I'm stubborn.
Nothing can get me.

Yeah, well, it might be good to have a positive attitude, but I was masking knowledge with ignorance.


Something else I've learned during my 63 years on this earth - we cannot go back into the past and change what's already been done. 

It is what it is.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
This one NOW moment is the first moment of the rest of my life.
Today's choices will help me take care of any tomorrow's, which I'll be blessed to have.


One thing that is inescapeable is Death. 
But, I'm not ready to leave, yet.  I still have projects to complete.  I still have family to love and share life with. 


 I still have my goal - my passion - my purpose ....
to spread GRATITUDE and APPRECIATION, with LOVE, to as many people as possible.
 

Won't you please help join me,

by changing the world -

one THANK YOU at a time ♥

One week ago, after about 8 hours of the Urgent Care process, the doctor looked into my eyes and said "You really should quit smoking."  I had heard that often during the past 40-plus years.  I've been smoking for 48 years.  This was the very first time ever, that those words rang loud and clear into my head. 
Was is the doctor who said it?  (He did have beautiful eyes - :) 
Was it because of the long hours that day in the Urgent Care process? 
Was it the excrutiating pain in my leg? 

Who knows?  It doesn't matter why or what?  What does matter is that I made a choice at that moment to attempt to get healthier, to be given a chance to live and enjoy life as long as possible.

While it's very true that this may have absolutely nothing to do with smoking or not, it doesn't matter.  What matters is that I made a powerful decision - one which I'd never imagined ever making.  I may be consistent and stick with my plan; but, there's also a possibility I may not.  It could be easy to fall back into my old addictive pattern.  At this point, it doesn't matter.

I'm taking one moment at a time.

I have not quit smoking entirely; but, I have cut back significantly.  (But, I really do NOT need to justify this to anyone.  REMEMBER - this is MY life and MY choice.  Dang!  I am stubborn, aren't I?) 
For the past week, I've smoked only 3 to 4 cigarettes a day.  A week ago, my average was a half pack a day, which is 10 cigarettes -  (sometimes a little more).  To a non-smoker that may seem to be still too many.  


But, I'm NOT doing this to impress anyone else. 
I'm NOT doing this for any recognition. 
I'm NOT doing this to be judged in any way by anyone else.  I'm simply doing it, and doing it only for ME.


And, here's an added BONUS - something that never made a difference to me (and still doesn't really); but it's becoming an incentive right now.
The CO$T.  When I first began smoking, a pack of cigarettes was twenty-five cents.  Now, if purchased by the carton (of ten packs - or 200 cigs), the cost is approximately $6.50 - $7.00 per pack.  It's possible to pay up to $10 per pack, or even more.  An expen$ive addiction, to say the least.  

Here's a good picture for this comparison.

 

If anyone reading this is a smoker, please understand this is NOT an attempt to get the rest of the world to quit smoking.  (We already have way too many control freaks already doing this!) 

This is simply MY personal story, which I just wanted to share.  Although the subject matter includes issues and facts about smoking, I'd also like to emphasize that this is about allowing each other the freedom to be exactly who they are, and be accepted exactly for that, without judgement, and without controlling behavior over others.

AND ...... as always, my blog posts are always always always about GRATITUDE ♥


My heart is forever filled with GRATITUDE .....
..... for doing whatever I'm doing right now
..... for living in this one NOW present moment
..... for being alive right NOW
..... for allowing others the freedom to be who they are
..... for all that my life includes right NOW

GRATEFULLY, with LOVE,

Ginny

Painful Gratitude

Disclaimer: 
Please understand that, in no way, is this being written to seek sympathy of any kind at all. 
(SYMPATHY can be found in the dictionary, between SELFISH and UNHEALTHY)


Pain - excrutiating pain - like a neverending severe Charley Horse, making it almost impossible to walk.  With this new persistent pain in my left leg, along with the arthritis in my right leg, walking (even with a cane) has been quite a challenge.

Swelling - to the point of feeling as though the insides of my leg would explode right through my skin.

Redness - on the lower portion of my left leg, between my knee and my ankle - hot to the touch - - so much so, that it felt as though a heater, set at a temperature of about 100 degrees, was buried under my skin.

(picture is not my leg, but a close example of what mine was like)

Fever - vacillating between 101.5 and slightly below normal temp, often feeling "infected".

Bruised, sore stomach, feeling like a pin cushion from the daily injections.

(again, picture is not me, but just an example - without the bruises)

(I do apologize for the graphics - not pleasant, I know;  sorry)

But, there is a reason for the description.

Sometimes people have NO warning - NO pain to signal the presence of a disease or condition that potentially could be life-threatening.  Instead, without medical attention, the condition becomes worse and their life is ended suddenly.


This is why I am so very very GRATEFUL for the PAIN I've been experiencing.  I won't lie; I'd prefer not to have pain.  However, without this chronic pain, there's a good chance I may not be here to be writing about this right now.


I was diagnosed with DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) - - - - more commonly known as blood clots. 

("B" below - that's me - obviously NOT normal)

My Ultrasound looked as though someone had taken a crayon and colored in almost the entire lower portion of my leg.  Mighty scary.

(Just a diagram below; NOT my Ultrasound)

To what does this all translate?

(of course)

Because of the pain, and because I listened to the pain, and because I heard about what the pain was warning me ................

and, with the help of several Doctors, Nurses, Urgent Care, the Ultrasound person at the Heart and Vascular Center, the Coumadin Clinic, and all those I've yet to see in future appointments (the Vascular Surgeon, for one) .................

Because of all of this ................

My heart is filled with GRATITUDE

Most of all .....

I am GRATEFUL

for the love,

concern,

healing energy,

thoughtfulness,

kindness,

and support

of my amazing wonderful family and friends.

You know who you are ♥

(and I do, too)

I love each of you with my heart and soul ♥

ILLUSIONS

ILLUSIONS

A very dear friend of mine once said (as I was video taping her with my old VHS video camera – you know those big huge heavy things that you had to rest on your shoulder while operating – well, maybe you’re too young to remember), she said: “Life is an illusion. I am an illusion.” I do believe she had a grip on something that has become much more apparent to me recently.


In my younger days, my mind was filled with illusions. I had the “happily ever after – fairytale” mentality. If I get married, I’ll be happy, because that’s how my Mom and Dad were. But, it didn’t take long to realize that wasn’t completely true. My first husband abused me, both physically and mentally. I’m so grateful I escaped when I did.


That still didn’t change my distorted thinking. I filled my mind with excuses. I told myself, next time will be better. I was always searching for my Prince Charming. He didn’t exist – at least, not the way they are in fairytales. Prince Charmings come with baggage and human faults, just as we all do. I was seeking perfection. That was my ILLUSION then.


I do have my Prince Charming now, but he is very human and is far from perfect. But, he is perfect for me. And, that’s what matters most.



But, this story is about ILLUSIONS.

Being the straightforward, honest person I am (hey, my Mom carved honesty and truth into my brain), I had more faith in human nature than many do. I guess I thought everyone’s Mom was just like mine, so I trusted. However, I thought I knew the liars, and I avoided them. But, my “trust meter” must have needed calibration these past couple years. That, and/or the fact that some people are very very good masters at deception; so good, that I believed in their lies. I had always thought I could detect people like this. I had previously had my radar in tune with fraud, lies and dishonesty.



I don’t know, how, or when it actually happened, but, somehow, whatever blessed me with the ability to identify lies and deceit, became defective. Had I noticed, I would have gotten a tune-up. I was immune to deciphering the lies of one person, who was (is) quite the skillful illusionist. In retrospect, I am able to recognize this. As “they” say, “hindsight is 20-20”. So many things that did not seem logical then, now suddenly have become crystal clear. Should I have noticed this before? Maybe. Maybe not. I’m sure this was a lesson I was meant to learn.

Not everything that we see is what we think we see.  Often we see others and the world through ILLUSIONS.


I’ve experienced many emotions since making this grave sobering discovery.


Initially, I was hurt – very hurt.

It was difficult to discover that what I had believed to be true was just a façade.

My hurt quickly turned to anger, when the true colors of this person suddenly appeared.


Then there was a brief period of shock. Where did THIS come from? And why?


Of course, I searched deep within the corners of my mind to attempt to figure out what had happened. I think everyone does this, when one finds themselves in a quandary over a conflict or disagreement. We begin to assume, and our thoughts wander aimlessly, anxiously searching for answers.


What I’ve realized with this recent experience is that sometimes there are NO answers. It just simply “IS”. It is what it is. And, nothing else matters. It doesn’t matter what caused it, or where it came from, or why. None of that will change reality.




We search for those ILLUSIONS that will bring some semblance of reasoning. But, it’s not necessary in some instances – such as this one. We do not know why anyone else does what they do, so why even try to guess.


Instead, with truth (“the truth shall set you free”), and breaking away from ILLUSIONS, I found it was much easier and quicker to “LET GO”. After what was done to me, there was absolutely NO justifiable reason to hang on to anything related to this issue or this person any longer.




Humans have an instinctual tendency to want to grasp and hang on to people, places, things – whatever. But, the real blessing is in the “letting go” process, when it becomes necessary for self-survival.


I’m so eternally grateful that I did not allow this situation to bring me down or to cause me much dismay for very long.


Instead of dwelling on what would now be missing in my life, after letting go I was able to focus on all the amazing wonderful, loving, honest people who are in my life.



It was then I realized what a huge relief there is in “letting go”.



Besides, all that will be “missing” are the ILLUSIONS.


You might wonder how this is affecting how I perceive others now. I will NOT allow the lies of one person to destroy my faith in people. I will NOT allow the malicious actions of one person to create bitterness within my heart. I refuse to allow the cruel, vicious, inconsiderate, and vindictive words of one person to cause me to be any less loving, understanding or compassionate to people.


I’ve risen above what has happened. I am NOT a victim. But, I am a person with a heart full of gratitude for no longer being exposed to one person’s delusional, cruel and irrational behavior.

I AM a person filled with love for others.



Am I leaving myself open to the possibility of being hurt again? Perhaps I am. But, that’s a risk I’ll take. If I close myself off to the kindness of all of the wonderful caring people in this world, because of only one person, I might as well stop living right now.


I still have adventures to travel and more challenges to experience, and I choose to do so with an open loving heart.


I am so very grateful for all that crosses my life’s path. Each moment is here for a reason; sometimes to be the student learning a lesson, sometimes to be the instructor helping teach others.


Regardless of whatever role we play or whatever the reason…………………

It is what it is.
Sometimes we will be fooled by ILLUSIONS. And, sometimes our intuition will give us a warning. Sometimes we will listen to that warning. And, sometimes we will choose to ignore it. Either way is okay, as long as we remember to find the GRATITUDE in the experience, the challenge or the adventure.





And, now, the lyrics to a song that keeps replaying in my head…………………………………..

“Both Sides Now” by Joni Mitchell, released in 1969

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
and feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things I would have done but clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
from up and down, and still somehow
it's cloud illusions I recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
When every fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. You leave 'em laughing when you go
and if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
from give and take, and still somehow
it's love's illusions I recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "I love you" right out loud,
dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
But something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
from win and lose, and still somehow
it's life's illusions I recall.
I really don't know life at all.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
from up and down, and still somehow
it's life's illusions I recall.
I really don't know life at all.




In love and gratitude always,


G.

What were you conditioned to believe? Eliminating the Distortion of Perception...

Just as the new bud

transforms into a beautiful flower,

so too, does the morning awaken into a beautiful new day.

How do you define "beautiful"?  What specifically is a "beautiful" flower or a "beautiful" new day?  How do we recognize beauty?

Isn't it true, we are conditioned to believe that a beautiful flower looks something like this.....

or possibly like these.....

Or, maybe..................

BUT, what is it that makes it so beautiful?  From where did this requirement come?

It's perception from what we've been conditioned to believe. 

Sometimes perception comes in the form of deception.

So where is the rule that demands beauty look like that?

Isn't it possible, just maybe, that beauty could look like this....................... ?

or like this................................?

or, even this ?

This is my Great-Grandma (and me).  She lived into her late 90's.  I’ve never seen a photo of her when she was younger, but I’m sure she was beautiful, because I can see her beauty even in this picture.

Look into the eyes of everyone you see. The eyes are the window to the soul. You will discover true beauty in everyone.

If you remove the distorted automatic training from your mind, and learn to view everything in a new and different light.......... you will discover that beauty appears in many different forms........ beauty is in everything. 

Just as age is just a number, beauty is simply a word.  However, when you add love and gratitude to your thinking, the word "beauty" takes on a whole new meaning.

It's possible to look at this............

and know that it came from this......

It's all about whatever we have been conditioned to believe.  And, it is possible to transform our perception into seeing beauty in new and exciting visions, and open up a whole new world.

Think of the new bud as a newborn baby. 

Watch as the bud gradually grows into a mature flower.

Just as the flower grows, the newborn baby grows into a beautiful young girl or a handsome young boy.

 

Then, in what seems like a blink of an eye, he/she suddenly realizes that the inevitability of "age" has caught up with them ...

....................with you

................... with me

....................with each of us. 

We cannot escape it.  Oh, some people will attempt to halt or slow down the process.  But, the reality is that everyone who lives long enough will age.  The youthful external beauty diminshes and soon we are looking at a vision in the mirror that reminds us of our mother or father, or grandmother or grandfather. 

Instead of perceiving age as something ugly, why not simply embrace the process and be grateful for whatever your beauty looks like.

Each of us is beautiful, regardless of our outward appearance or our age. 

Bodies that we've been conditioned to believe are unattractive, are actually quite beautiful - even the flab, the pouches, the limps, the aches and pains, the wrinkles, the sags, discoloration of the skin, thinning hair, missing teeth, fading eyesight --- all of it IS beauty.

In less than one month I'll be celebrating my 62nd birthday.  Yes, I said "celebrating".  Life is a beauty to celebrate, not only on our birthdays, but every day.

If we are blessed enough to still be alive with wrinkles, sags, flab and all that other stuff, then it should be embraced and appreciated. 
(It sure beats the alternative!)

I am GRATEFUL for my life and for it's beauty.  I've learned to see all challenges as beauty to be embraced and appreciated.

Next time you look in the mirror, instead of focusing on your flaws (hey, we all have 'em - yep, even the young) - - - take a really good look at the beauty of YOU.

Be grateful for your beauty, in whatever form it is.

Appreciate, embrace and love the beauty of YOU

P.S. In the past I would removed aging flowers from the plant.  I was conditioned to believe that the aging flowers zapped the new buds of their energy.  But, I've learned that the aging shriveling flowers add character and a beauty of their own to the garden --- just as aging people enhance the lives of the young.